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My_Tearz_Fall_For_U
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Name: Jesika
Country: United States
State: Georgia
Metro: Cartersville
Birthday: 12/20/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: Taking Back Sunday Copeland Bright Eyes Something Corporate My Chemical Romance Matchbook Romance The Early November Fall Out Boy The Starting Line The Used Coheed and Cambria Boys Night Out Thrice Saves the Day Finch Thursday From Autumn to Ashes Me Without You Underoath Blood Brothers From First to Last Fear Before The March of Flames Dead Poetic Brand New Senses Fail Norma Jean Dashboard Confessional The Postal Service Motion City Soundtrack Twelve Gauge Valentine Saosin Armor For Sleep National Product Nural New Years Day
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  JesJRB
Yahoo:  dontloseurheart1220
Member Since:
3/13/2005
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| i don't like this new xanga bullshit.
at all.
but anyways.
Valentines day just passed and usually I hate that day with a passion straight from hell. But this year was different. I just so happen to be in love with this certain guy, Jack, and he makes everything so much better. I have to be honest right now, I was extremely confused about a month ago about our relationship and where it was going to go. I made the stupid decision to date someone else who lived closer to me. Of course it ended because it just didn't feel right and a few extenuating circumstances. I can honestly say that my heart is totally and passionately in love with Jack Thomas Engeloff III. I want nothing more out of life than to be with him. And I want the world to know all of this. He is absolutely the most amazing person in the entire world and I am so lucky to have this chance with him.
Babe, I love you with all of my heart. And I promise that I will be yours forever. I am so sorry that I strayed away a little while ago, but now I promise, you have me. I love you with all of my heart.
"The last place we're going is down. I'll blindly follow, knowing you're leading the way. I can't get enough of you......"
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Beauty is skin deep
Let me peal off that grin
and underneith that structure lies my answers
Those gorgeous eyes,
the eyes that stopped me in my place.
I will scoop them out and stop you in your place.
I want you to stay where you are.
Grabbing you by your life,
grabbing you by your throat.
Beauty will never save you from everything.
I will rip you apart for what you have done.
But take notice to everything now.
Use those eyes to see what you have done,
Listen to your own bullshit,
Taste the filth you put on all of us,
Think about what you did
and feel the same way we did.
I have this pointless vendetta that will never satisfy me no matter the pain put upon you,
I regret these mad thoughts, I regret writing this on paper,
I hate you so much but I still manage to look at your foul piece of shit face.
You took us out by the knees and we will never walk the same.
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| Everything is put into perspective now.
death or dying?
an ultimatum
a choice.
with no positive ending in return.
this night belongs to you
i hope with all of my heart it ends sooner than i expect
I see myself running through a burning doorway,
looking left and right..
up and down,
looking for an escape..
to realize that no such one exists.
boiling heat devors my lungs,
i am so incapacitated
not a single vapor to give a second of relief
the december skies fill with black smoke,
inside of me, circulates the smoke of a failure.
i can see an orange glow in the windowpane
me behind the glass scratching for an escape i know doesn't exist.
your mouth breathes a tainted poison upon my brow.
lies infest my ears as they are dynamite to my judgement
i only felt your soft skin, denying to myself that beneath lies an army of scales.,
i can feel the scales beneath now.
i can see the composition of every last word fill your eyes as a solid tear cuts its way down your cheek.
played out like a cheap love romance flick
i could have sworn to myself you were different than the rest
something about you stood out to me,
something so rich and prosperous.
but everything can be coated in sugar,
and dipped in gold,
but the moment you get deeper, sand pours from its depths,
and cold black clouds fill the room to its capacity.
the restless moments i am having right now,
as my exits are are now caving in with tremendous force coated in flames,
i am in denial that you would do such a thing to such a giving creature.
the final blow is delivered on the unforgiving concrete
as flames engulf my existence. | | |
| Don't look now
I'm fading away
Into the gray of my morning
or the blues of every night.
Is it that my nails
keep breaking
Or maybe the corn
on my second little piggy
Things keep popping out
on my face
or
of my life
It seems no matter how
I try I become more difficult
to hold
I am not an easy woman
to want
They have asked
the psychiatrists psychologists politicans and
social workers
What this decade will be
known for
There is no doubt it is
loneliness
If loneliness were a grape
the wine would be vintage
If it were a wood
the furniture would be a mahogany
But since it is life it is
Cotton Candy
on a rainy day
The sweet soft essence
of possibility
Never quite maturing
I have prided myself
On being in the great tradition
albeit circus
That the show must go on
Though in my community the vernacular is
One Monkey Don't Stop the Show
We all line up
at some midway point
To thread our way though
the boredom and futility
Looking for the blue ribbon and gold medal
Mostly these are seen as food labels
We are consumed by people who sing
the same old song STAY:
as sweet as you are
in my corner
Or perhaps just a little bit longer
But whatever you do don't change baby baby don't change
Something needs to change
Everything some say will change
I need a change
of pace face attitude and life
Though I long for my loneliness
I know I need something
Or someone
Or......
I strangle my words as easily as I do my tears
I stifle my screams as frequently as I flash my smile
it means nothing
I am cotton candy on a rainy day
the unrealized dream of an idea unborn
I share with the painters the desire
To put a three-dimensional picture
On a one-dimensional surface
--- Nikki Giovanni
That is the first piece of poetry that has touched me in a long time.
I feel a change coming very soon.
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